The Witchy Mechanisms Behind Christianity's Strongest Love Magic (The Wedding Ceremony) | A Christian Witch's Magic Tips
Wouldn't you know? Binding yourself to another to become "one flesh" is pretty witchy.
Psst, hey! Did you know? This post was originally from my Patreon, and if you head over there, you'll find a lot more content like this every week, all while further supporting the work I do!
So, as y'all may know, I'm getting married this September! And for those who haven't been following along on my Patreon to see all my updates about my witchy wedding preparations, I'm here to share something pretty cool with you: the magic behind a wedding ceremony! I'm also thinking about how I'm going to add my own personal vows into my ceremony. As a witch, you'd figure that would be a thing, right?
But if you're doing a classic religious ceremony... you actually don't have to do your own vows. You can just leave it as it is, pre-built into whatever Book of Blessings or Book of Common Prayer you might have. Still, I dunno. It feels right that as a writing witch, I would write something special. I just need to figure out what'll be best.
Nonetheless, I've got the programs done, and given I've run through the whole thing with our priest recently and have a solid idea of how the ceremony program is going to run, I figured I'd tell y'all a little about how it works, and why it's so cool to me not only as a Christian, but especially as a witch!
Secular vs. Religious Wedding Ceremonies
So, as y'all know, I was recently at my friends' wedding this weekend, and like my fiance and I, they have a religious/non-religious dynamic between them. They opted for a more straightforward, modern, and secular service, with one of their friends officiating (apparently the state of Massachusetts lets you get one day officiant licenses for this purpose, which is cool). The ceremony was definitely sweet, and it suited them perfectly, and their vows were where they told their story and had all kinds of cute personal touches. For them, it worked very well, and it made perfect sense for their relationship and their characters. I loved it for them!
I shocked myself, though. Here I am, thinking I'm someone so off-the-cuff, so non-traditional (and you bet there will be a lot of things in my wedding that are not traditional at all) but I... did not vibe with a secular, modern ceremony or see myself having one like that. It just didn't feel quite right to me (and that's fine, because again, it was their wedding, and it was a super sweet and lovely ceremony for them). However, seeing that confirmed it to me: this type of ceremony was not something that had the spiritual gravity I'm looking for.
The religious ceremony draft I'm looking at for my own wedding has gravity.
There are parts of a secular wedding and a religious wedding that stay the same—the officiant's introduction, the main standard "repeat after me" vows, which are apparently like a legal requirement state-wise, and then the personal vows (if one chooses)—but that's really where the similarities start and end. I actually do feel really bad for my fiance, who is super not religious and didn't want to have a ton of religion in our wedding ceremony, because I didn't realize how very by the book these ceremonies have to be. In the Episcopal Church, we use the Book of Common Prayer (BCP), and that has a wedding outline you can see online if you check out the online BCP.
So unlike a secular ceremony, with no mentions of religion whatsoever, a religious marriage with the Episcopal church has to have:
A priest (obviously)
A collect of the guests and bride and groom under the sight of God ("Dearly beloved," explaining what the hell marriage even is)
The declaration of consent ("Do you take this person to be your spouse?")
At least one reading of Scripture
A homily (which is what people are actually talking about when they talk about a priest's sermon: this is where the priest gives the story of bride and groom and some reflections on love and all that)
The actual marriage (which is the vows: "In the name of God, I take you N., to be my spouse, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health..." and the exchange of rings as symbols of these vows)
Prayers (Our Father and Litany)
Blessing of marriage
Peace
You can even administer the Eucharist during a religious marriage, which would be hardcore blood magic to perform in the middle of it all, but my fiance did not want that, so no blood magic for us.
But as you can see: it actually runs more like a church service than a regular old "we're getting married teehee" type thing. And if you know anything about a proper liturgical Mass, you know that that, in itself, is a ritual, with the express purpose of raising energy, building bonds between a congregation, and basically supercharging the magic that goes into that Eucharist transubstantiation.
Here, however, since the Eucharist is optional, the ritual focus is a little different.
The Ritual Focus & Goal of a Religious Ceremony
So, with all these different pieces, I find that the wedding ritual reminds me a lot of my own at-home rituals, like money spells, given there are usually three readings (Old Testament, New Testament, and if doing Eucharist, the Gospel). You only are required to have one Bible reading, though, and so depending on how quick you want to make the ceremony, you could only do one reading total.
I am a witch. I love doing things in threes. Of course I have three readings. But only one of them is Bible. This is the Scripture we went with:
The First Reading Song of Solomon 2:10-13; 8:6-7
My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away; for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned.
Songs of Solomon goes so hard, yo. It is unreal. And even in the language of this reading, you can see some magic already starting to be built, with language like "Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm..." We even get a little sympathetic metaphor in there, with the imagery after.
This part comes after the invocation of God (as of course, you need to invoke your chosen deity to come look at what you're doing and lend you His blessing and protection), and after the declaration of consent, which is interesting: that means before the magic can really get going and start building, both parties have to actively consent to being bound, and the rest of the congregation has to accept it, too. That "speak now or forever hold your peace" part is for people to come up with valid reasons why a union of souls shouldn't happen, and that's exactly what this ceremony aims to do: unite two souls into one flesh.
That's the magical goal, by the way: literally stitching two souls together into bond that do not get loosed, like, ever. (I still retain the Catholic aversion to divorce.) This goal sounds way more severe than I think a lot of people realize, given how marriages have become something of over-expensive parties with a huge industry behind it all.
Nonetheless, consent has to be given before the magic can continue, and that's when the readings happen, the magic starts building, the vows are actually made, the rings are blessed as a symbol of the vows... and then this part happens, where the priest casts Marriage™ in the name of the deity (in this case, God) who is presiding over it all and lending His blessing:
Then the Celebrant joins the right hands of husband and wife and says:
Now that Roman and Sara have given themselves to each other by solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.
People: Amen.
Joining the right hands of husband and wife is also a place where the priest can wrap the hands in the stole, which feels a lot like the Irish concept of handfasting given you're having cloth literally wrap around your hand and binding you physically together. A fun visual detail for the rest of the crowd and the couple to see!
And you might've noticed another thing: people have speaking parts in here. The whole congregation is expected to respond at certain times (joining in with the Lord's Prayer after, responding to the litany of blessings, giving their consent for the marriage to happen, etc.). The way our priest explained this to us, it's because this marriage isn't just about my fiance (Roman) and I; it's also about our whole community, and stitching two families together, not just two people. All the history, essence, and spirit of these two families are being braided into one stronger rope, and that's why this is a really important thing to do in everybody's presence.
There's also that warning line at the end, before the people seal with the Amen, which is really cool. Let no one put asunder could be quite the spring-loaded curse on someone who tried to wreck a home or otherwise mess with the bonds of someone's marriage.
But!
This isn't where it ends!
(I thought it was because I didn't realize there was another page lmao. But there is another page, and it starts with the Lord's Prayer, which, if you've been following me for a while, you know is how I like to essentially "cast a circle": I like to preface the rest of my workings with that, but in liturgical settings, that usually comes as the official prayer right before the Eucharist and after the Nicene Creed. Everybody has to say that, so everybody is casting that big prayer at the same time.
Then comes the litany, which is a call-and-response prayer. One person reads a line, and everyone else basically affirms it with an amen, rinse and repeat. This is the one for marriage:
Let us pray.
Eternal God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and for which your Son gave his life, and especially upon this man and this woman whom you make one flesh in Holy Matrimony.
Amen.
Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their common life, that each may be to the other a strength in need, a counselor in perplexity, a comfort in sorrow, and a companion in joy.
Amen.
Grant that their wills may be so knit together in your will, and their spirits in your Spirit, that they may grow in love and peace with you and one another all the days of their life.
Amen.
Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other’s forgiveness and yours.
Amen.
Make their life together a sign of Christ’s love to this sinful and broken world, that unity may overcome estrangement, forgiveness heal guilt, and joy conquer despair.
Amen.
Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that they may reach out in love and concern for others.
Amen.
Grant that all married persons who have witnessed these vows may find their lives strengthened and their loyalties confirmed.
Amen.
Grant that the bonds of our common humanity, by which all your children are united one to another, and the living to the dead, may be so transformed by your grace, that your will may be done on earth as it is in heaven; where, O Father, with your Son and the Holy Spirit, you live and reign in perfect unity, now and for ever.
Amen.
So this is like... a binding of the couple and a buff on them and all other couples, if you look closely. This starts with beseeching God to tie these people together and bless them, and then also buffs them to be able to more easily transmute negativity (estrangement, guilt, despair, harm) into positivity (love, forgiveness, joy, reconciliation). Then comes the bit for all married persons near the end, as if to spread this blessing into the congregation as well, and a reaffirmation of a community effort with that comment on common humanity at the end.
Meaning a marriage is a reminder to everyone that we are all one Body, even as pieces of that Body are sealing together up there at the altar.
After this, the priest blesses everything in one last big blessing, the couple is presented and given a chance to kiss, and then peace is exchanged with everybody before the couple leaves. And that's it! The marriage is built, blessed, and sealed! Yay!
My Thoughts as a Witch on the Marriage Ritual
So, as I was saying: the secular ceremonies are super cute, super nice... but not quite the same as all the seriousness and drama that comes with magic like this long form ritual does. This is the equivalent, to me, of a wizard standing in their complicated magical circle, reading out the formulas from their grimoire that were established long ago (and in fact, that's... basically what the priest is doing, what with the BCP open the whole time).
If you also check out my conversation on psychic distance on Patreon with my teaching tactics, it does come up here, too: rather than getting swept up in the emotion of the moment (and therefore getting easily ungrounded or overwhelmed, as can happen in secular ceremonies with too much focus on one thing), this type of religious ritual ceremony has the couple's gushy parts being just that: a part. It isn't the whole thing, which means that the couple can build their energy in neater, controlled ways rather than overflowing and spilling over, thus upsetting the balance and flow of energy happening here. We don't wanna give the Body high blood pressure, y'know?
That official-ness and seeming "stiffness" in the routine speaking parts are what keep the bride and groom not cold and detached, but focused, serious, and understanding the gravity of the situation. It's not all rainbows and smiles, but something that needs real conscious effort to build up, cast, and seal. Focus is important in any ritual, as we know!
(I'm also squeamish with Big Feelings, so the distance is a relief to me, who doesn't want to get all ungrounded and messy in front of other people.)
But it's the traditional religious ceremony for me, man. So powerful! So measured! So involved! After seeing the secular ceremony, my resolve to have this bit of actual magic to cast at my wedding was definitely solidified. Of all the witchy stuff I've shown off in my wedding planning, this is the most obvious witchcraft of all to me, and I hope it's obvious why.
So what do you think? Religious ceremony or secular? Have you already been married, and if so, which did you choose? ♥
Sara Raztresen is a Slovene-American writer, screenwriter, and Christian witch. Her fantasy works draw heavily on the wisdom she gathers from her own personal and spiritual experience, and her spiritual practice borrows much of the whimsy and wonder that modern society has relegated to fairy-and-folktale. Her goal is to help people regain their spiritual footing and discover God through a new (yet old) lens of mysticism.
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